Samstag, 6. September 2014

My Third Ayahuasca Ceremony

A couple of days ago, I participated in my Third Ayahuasca Ceremony. I would like to keep this report a bit simpler and shorter than the previous ones and just resume the most important insights and moments. (Here is the link to my previous, more detailed reports which are written in German)

First of all, I have to say that I realized that everything I wrote about Ayahuasca in my previous reports says a lot about the ceremony and what I learned from the medicine, but it actually doesn’t say anything about what Ayahuasca really is. And in this report it will be the same. I can only tell you what I have learned from it. It is impossible for me to describe what Ayahuasca is, words are just far from being able to cover it. Not even my own memory can keep it, our human mind is too limited. No matter how precise we are able to describe something in words, all these words cannot even touch the Divinity. Words can only be a hint to it.

But I will write and share this report anyway because I would like people to know that Ayahuasca is a holy medicine which is able to heal many, if not all, of us. Heal our body, mind, heart and soul, our spiritual connection. Ayahuasca is love and light. It clears the way for love and light inside you.

Writing these reports is also a way for me to honor every single experience I have with Ayahuasca. I am very thankful for having had these opportunities.

**Please note: Please do no take Ayahuasca on your own. It should be used exclusively in a protected environement with an experienced shaman whose intentions are good!**


Just like for the last ceremony, I went to a shaman who is leading ceremonies in Amsterdam. Her healing assistant, William, was luckily there this time, too. And I also went together with my brother, Jochen, again.
Before the ceremony I was a bit nervous, but this time a whole lot less than the time before. And most importantly, I wasn’t afraid anymore. I felt that it was just going to be a wonderful experience full of love and light. I had done quiet some meditation and yoga (and some out-of-body-experience training) in the months before and I felt prepared and confident.

The day before the ceremony, I had this intense lucid (conscious) dream in which I confronted my inner fear and in which I realized that love can heal everything. When you manage to feel love and light inside and around you, nothing can harm you and you realize that fear is nothing but an illusion. It fades away when you confront it with love.

That’s why I wasn’t afraid anymore and I knew if ever I’d experience something fearful on Ayahuasca, I’d know how to deal with it.

Drinking the wine

This time drinking the wine seemed much easier to me. The taste was awful as always, but I rinsed my mouth afterwards to get rid of the taste in the mouth. To my surprise, I didn’t feel sick at all. Which is a great release compared to my previous ceremonies during which I felt sick more or less all the time, except for the end.

The shaman cleaning my aura

There was only one moment when I felt like something inside me wanted to be thrown up. I didn’t feel badly sick but I felt I was going to vomit at a certain point. What then actually happened was slightly different.

As I described in my previous report, Hannah is not only a shaman, she is a medium who is able to take away negative energies. Great part of the ceremony, she is busy doing her work and cleaning the air for love and light to unfold. At one point she also came to us and I asked her to check if there were any negative entities inside me. At first she didn’t see anything but then she perceived something in my aura and made it go away. When she does this, these entities go through her body and she throws up to bring them out. I could feel and see a very strong, “thick” energy flow between the two of us. When she left, I realized that my need to throw up had disappeared and I also felt that my aura was clean now. I felt like my aura was better protected now against outer energies, as if there was a thin but stable bright line around my aura. I felt somehow complete. It was a very beautiful bright feeling of love and nourishment.

From that moment onwards, the ceremony was really nothing but enjoyable for me. I came out of the “deep” Ayahuasca experience with all the visions pretty early, but I enjoyed being in this reality while still strongly connected to my light source. My body was so much lighter and I could feel this connection to my divine source. I moved around in the room, moved my body and my energies, or I stayed at my matt, either in meditation or lying down and listening to the music and enjoying my state of being. I felt that I am a being of light and love. And that it is my purpose to bring this light into the world.

It made me realize that the line between the Ayahuasca and this reality is a continuum. It’s not strictly “here” and “there”. It’s actually one and the same place, and I think we can learn to feel this connection all the time. Integrate it in our lives, become the light, free and divine beings that we are and have always been and live it in this reality.

A couple of other things I realized, during and after Ayahuasca:

It doesn’t matter what we experience and see in other realms, in other realities – we always have to find our way here on earth, from scratch. We have to accomplish what we have to accomplish with our human means and limitations. Maybe that's, for example, why many people report that they have been to a place (either on Ayahuasca, meditaiton or other forms of near-death-experiences) where all the knowledge is available, where all the answers are available (I think I’ve been there, too), but they cannot recall them afterwards. We can keep the feeling and the connection to the source. But we have to find the answers on our own. Otherwise the game wouldn’t make sense. We are here to learn and figure things out on our own. Make the connection with our human capacities and remember our divine source.

I also realized that the light will always win in the end. The light always wins against the darkness. When there is a room of darkness and you switch on the light, the darkness goes away. The other way around is impossible. As long as we keep the light shine in us, the darkness cannot take over. Darkness has no power in itself.

There are no “negative” emotions. It’s our mind that tells us, what is negative and what’s positive. Emotions are just there, they just want to be felt and make us feel alive, guide us. They come and they pass. It’s not a bad thing to cry. I am experiencing more and more often to cry and smile at the same time. It’s all one. And I enjoy it until it’s over. Because it’s always going to be over, sooner than we think. Every feeling, every moment in life is precious.
In every ceremony I had this moment when I came back to this reality and felt indescribably thankful for having this life. It is a present. It made me cry and smile at the same time. I feel honored for living this life and sorry for every moment, in which I can’t appreciate it.

I am wondering if the words “to heal” (German: heilen) and “holy” (German: heilig) are connected in a very deep way. Maybe in the essence they are the same. When we are truly healed, we experience our own holiness. And our holiness heals us.

As I already described in the previous reports, time is an illusion of this reality. There is actually no time. When I got into the “deep” Ayahuasca and into another “reality”, I couldnt tell whether I rememberd that I have already been there or if I am seeing the future and was about to go there. Past and future are the same. There is only now. It’s something that I still cannot really get with my human understanding. But I know that it’s true. I think that’s also why it’s so difficult for me to let go of the fear of not to come back to this reality when I go “there”. It’s not really about “coming back”. The concept of going somewhere and coming back is human. In the universe, there doesn’t seem to exist that kind of linear or logical thinking. All is one and all is now… I still don’t really get it, when I try to understand it with my mind... I only “know” and feel that it’s right. And I know that I understood this very clearly when I was in Ayahuasca.
Time doesn't matter at all. Because in the "universe" it is always now. Therefore there is also no hurry to become enlightend as fast as possible or what ever. In the end everyone will be in the same place, which is always now. We are all just waves of the same ocean.

My first thought, when I came back into the Ayahuasca was, “oh, I had forgotten, what Ayahuasca actually was!” It was the same kind of “place” where I had been the last times and it was as if I hadn’t been away. It’s very hard for me to try and remember it again. My memory is very vague and I think I have forgotten it again, what I remember is just the human interpretation of it. It’s a place which is always there. Time doesn’t matter. There is so much we simply can’t imagine in our “normal” state of being.

Before taking Ayahuasca, I am always a bit nervous and there is always this fear “but, what if I can’t find the way back to this reality?” Actually, when I was “up there” it was the other way round. I looked at my human life and it appeared so small and limited to me that it felt almost like going into a prison compared to the powerful, free and endless beings that we actually are.

I got the insight, that everything in this world is created by myself - in a way that I don't really understand.
I still have many questions and I still don't understand anything really... :)
I guess it's not about understanding in the first place.

In the moment, when I kind of "came back" to this reality, I had this vision of myself of an unfolding rainbow coloured snake/fractal. Since I am not a good painter, I googled it and found this picture which similar to what I saw:


It seems to me now, that my third ceremony has been the third part of a trilogy and kind of closes a circle. It doesn’t mean that I am not going to take Ayahuasca again. But it means that I feel healed now. The medicine has done its work for me. In the past six months, I have taken the medicine three times and now I feel that my body and spirit are clean and free for love and light to shine through me.

I have been able to let go of many things in the past six months. I have been working hard on myself and now I am much stronger and at the same time much lighter and happier. This is thanks to my own work - my meditation, my yoga and my reflections on my life - but the biggest thanks goes to the Spirit, to Madre Ayahuasca. She has helped me to become myself again.
Never in my life have I felt so deeply connected to my soul and so healed, so complete, so clear. I think there is still a lot for me to learn and to discover – otherwise I wouldn’t be here anymore - but the most important thing is: I am on my way. And the connection to the spirit guides me the way, shows me what is right. It’s a very strong, very real and very clear feeling, that I have never had in my life before. I know the truth within me and I can speak for it and stand for it.

I feel blessed and deeply thankful to the Ayahuasca Spirit and to all the people in this world who promote and facilitate Ayahuasca in a positive and love guided way.


Hier geht´s zum nächsten Erfahrungsbericht.

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